Hi all! In the way of introductions, I’m Natalie and I am a space efficient (ie: barely 4’11”) (…on a good day) writer, dog-lover, and chronic daydreamer. I am also a lifelong book-nerd and so I was floored when Katie asked me to stop by inafarwayland and talk about Paperdoll. Seeing my little pink book featured on a blog that reviews so many authors I adore (Sarah Dessen! Lemony Snicket!) is far too sweet. My heart always feels at home around other word-lovers. Thanks so much for asking me to drop by!
Katie asked me to write about how Paperdoll came to exist and what my hopes are for the book. I am going to try my very best to do this succinctly (even though brevity seems to be my arch-nemesis) (Well … brevity and gravity. I trip all the time. Gravity is out to get me.) Here goes:
Paperdoll started as a midnight scramble; as a cold cup of coffee and a desperate prayer.
I was living in Dallas, doing time in graduate school. I got back to my apartment late one night and opened my Bible to give it an, admittedly, half-hearted read through before I fell asleep. My bookmark was tucked into John 4 – the story of the Samaritan Woman who meets Jesus by the well. As I read, the Samaritan Woman’s story began twisting into my heart in an entirely new way. I read it a second time. And a third time.
I started freaking out a little bit.
Because I realized all the questions the Samaritan woman was asking Jesus a few thousand years ago were the same questions I was asking now. She was a little bit disillusioned by life and love. And so was I. She was asking questions about faith and “religion” and what those words even mean; and I was doing the same. Especially during that season, I was trying to make my faith mine and not just something my parents believed, or something my culture pressured me to believe (or pressured me to disbelieve).
That night, I realized that I’d been looking for answers in the wrong places. In John 4, Jesus stops to remind one woman that 1.) He is the only source of peace and comfort and love capable of filling up her heart. Nothing else will work. No other love equals the kind of love He gives. The love thing really got to me. I think most of us have experienced the kind of love that has limits: loved if you’re thin, loved if you win, loved if you’re pretty, loved if you’re smart, loved if you get the scholarship. But the love in John 4 has nothing to do with what you attain, or own, or become. It has nothing to do with how many people love you back. Jesus loves you completely and infinitely - forever-ly - exactly as you are. In John 4, He also reminds the Samaritan woman that 2.) She had a big story to live out.
My heart was spinning.
I wrote against the night. I wrote until the sun came up. I prayed and made notes and drank day-old coffee. (Does coffee ever become un-delicious? I think not.) Eventually, that late night – and the lessons I am still processing – became Paperdoll.
Before I tell you what I hope for the book, let me tell you what I desperately hope the book is not: The book is not a checklist for how to be a perfect Christian girl. The book is not a bright pink guilt trip. The book is not a how-to book. The book chronicles what I learned, and am learning. I am still in process. I am still learning how to find my worth in God’s Word and not what other people say I have to be. I’m still learning that I’m nobody’s paperdoll; that I’m not created to conform.
Paperdoll is about how I'm learning to live a full life. The book is about learning that His grace is enough to pull me through anything – and that grace is bigger than all my regrets.
This is what I hope Paperdoll is:
I hope Paperdoll is genuine. I hope the book feels authentic, like you're walking alongside someone and having a conversation.
I hope Paperdoll reminds you that you are loved. Maybe you already know that. I hope you already know that. But in the off chance you need a reminder, I hope The Pink serves that purpose. No matter what you’ve done, or will do, how you fail, or succeed, you are loved by God more than you can ever possibly imagine. There is nothing you can do that will make Him stop loving you.
I hope Paperdoll reminds you that you have a good story to live out. There’s this song I’ve been obsessed with for months now – “Only the Young” by Brandon Flowers. There’s a part in the song where he screams this lyric: “Thunder and lightening/ are crashing down;/ they got me on the run,/ direct me to the sun…”. I love that line so much. I know what that feels like; when the world presses down so hard against me - all at once – so hard that my heart feels like it’s screaming. Don’t let the storm crashing down on you convince you that you don’t have something worth pressing on toward. There are good days coming.
And my ginormously big hope is that you’ll look up John 4 and read it … and then read John 5 and 6 and 7 … and on and on.
Paperdoll is just a book; just dreams and hopes and ink and paper. I won’t be offended if it becomes your favorite pink coaster. Or door prop. Or the lining in the cage of your beloved pet ferret.
But. God’s Word has truly changed my life. I used to think that phrase was just jargon; just somebody’s pious lip service. But this year, I can say with certainty that God’s Word has changed me like nothing else has. It still confuses me. There are parts I’m still trying to understand (or make peace with). But when I read about Jesus, and the message He has, and the way He lived - the way He loves - I know I am loved. And I feel loved and brave. I want to live the full and abundant life he talks about in John 4 and 10. I want to know Him as much as I possibly can (and it still rocks my brain cells that He wants me to know Him). So my big hope is that you pull away from the world for a while and lose yourself in His Word. When you do, you’ll find more than you ever imagined.
If we were all in the same room, I would suggest we eat Oreos and debate the best Sarah Dessen guy (I would vote for Dexter!). Since we can’t, I’ll close by saying two things:
Thing the First: thank you again for asking me to be part of this week’s blog and for taking the time to write about Paperdoll. You guys are wonderful and you deserve mountains of Oreos.
Thing the Second: I hope your new year is sparkly-bright and full of amazing new books. I hope you live out an amazing story this year.
You can find Natalie here. Natalie, thank you so much for writing Paperdoll. We love you so much and you're amazing!
Girls, don't forget to enter in the giveaway. We'll close the entries tomorrow afternoon, so you only have a little time left.
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